The Longest Two Minutes of My Life

Piper Tech you may get mad at me, but please remember that my idea for this thread was to just be a place to shoot the bull, tell stories, jokes, etc. And also flying stories of course, heh. Like sitting around the FBO with our buds. So here goes.

In 1987 my daughter was 11 years old and my son was 7. Keep in mind that I have TWO kids. That's important. One day my wife and son had gone into town for some shopping. I was clearing some unwanted trees from the back of our property and my daughter had decided to stay home for some reason I can't remember (or even imagine. Female, shopping, see what I mean). I had been working about an hour and came in the house to cool off and my daughter was sitting on the couch with a serious look on her face. She wasn't even watching TV. When I walked in she looked up and said, "Daddy, can I talk to you for a minute"? (Trust me, I remember this conversation almost verbatem and will until the day I die). I said, "Sure, sugarfoot. What's up?" and I sat down on the couch beside her. She said, "Daddy, we had a biology lesson in school today and they told us how babies were made and I wanted to know if that's really how it's done".

Now we lived in the country about 3 miles out of Troup, Texas and the driveway to our house was about 50 yards long and from the couch you could look out the picture window in the living room and see the driveway all the way to the county road and I was facing it. But I digress.

I immediately looked out the picture window praying to see a tan Mercury Marquis pulling in. No luck. God was in a humorous mood that day. I literally felt the blood drain out of my face. I've never thought so fast in my life and I couldn't come up with a thing (kinda like when the FAA examiner asks you the first question on your oral). So finally I got an idea. Stall. So I said (with an eye out that picture window the whole time), "Well sweetheart, ummm...what..uh...did they tell you at school"? She then proceeded to describe the entire procedure in detail. Now I will admit that the school had relayed the information in a tasteful manner, but come on, this is my 11 year old daughter describing this to me. So after I finally got some spit back in my mouth and remembered part of my vocabulary I said, "Well, yeah. They're right. That's how it's done". (Now remember that she has a little brother). She then looked at me with a look that I can only describe as horror mixed with pity and said (I wouldn't make this up even if I could) "Oh Daddy! That means you and Mother had to do it twice".

Now I'm not kidding here. I never cracked a single smile. I almost pulled every muscle in my face, but not even a hint of a smile. I looked at her and said, "Well sweetheart, it was worth it to get you and your brother". Have I ever mentioned that I'm a salesman? She then threw her arms around my neck and said, "Oh Daddy, I love you" and got up and walked back to her room. I held out until she closed her door and then sat there on the couch and laughed until I almost threw up. And I was still laughing when her Mother and little brother walked in the door about a minute later and my wife smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and said, "What's so funny?". Like I said, God must have been in a humorous mood that day.

And I'll take a lie detector test. That's a true story.

Mike

Comments

  • Mike,
    Not gonna get upset with you or even delete it, after all it is clean story. While I cant relate exactly to this story, I do have a 10 year old girl, and know that my days are numbered. I keep telling my wife that she needs to tell her a few things too. Not because I really want her to know, but I just dont want to be faced with the same questions you did:)

    Tom
  • Thanks Tom. I never tell anything but clean stories. Some of them are even true, like that one, heh. You won't have any doubt about the others. I do like to have fun and that's kinda what I wanted for this thread. To just be able to shoot the bull. We have the general discussion for Piper info and all the other forums as well. I'd just like to think of this one as the FBO lounge.

    And good luck with that 10 year old daughter. It gets worse for Dad from there. Heh.....heh.....heh. You've still got a few years of peace, but wait until the boys show up. That's when you'll find yourself cleaning your gun when they walk in the door. "How ya' doin' son? Here to see my daughter are ya'? Hand me that gun oil would ya?"

    Mike
  • Did you have any advance notice from the school that this was going to be imparted to your eleven year-old child? You took this far better than I would have.
  • Nope. That was right after sex education was IMPOSED on us in the public school system. I wasn't happy, but it had been mandated by the government and there was nothing I could do about it. It did catch me by surprise and I thought about complaining, but I'm a realist. I knew I was helpless. Sigh, I can just vote and hope. They no longer have to tell us what they are going to tell our children or what they are going to do to them. I could go on for hours about it, but I won't. It did make me politcally active, but activism isn't for this site so I'll pass on it.

    Mike
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